Friday, May 11, 2007
dunno why i cant add colour or enlarge any fonts.. can anyone tell me why?
okie, just came back from spidey with pei fang and joyann.... found out that i am running a fever of 39.1 degrees......... even kar wing could see im sick, but i tot it was cause im too unwell emotionally.. i have heard of crying causing blindness, but does it cause ur brain to fry?
no wonder each time my brain hurts so much when i start to tear.
i have been crying last nite, today... starting to thiink that there isnt a prob with crying , it helps me to release the anguish in my heart.
i perceieved a terrible news, its so cruel and hard on me that im so scared i will turn into something i will regret in the future. it traumatised me so badly that just thinking or seeing it will freak me out and make me cry....
truth truly hurts.
the prob is i dint even do anything other than being myself. i dint do
ANYTHING wrong!!!!!!!! how can this happen to me?!
What can i do to make u stop this? what can i do to make you leAve!!!!!!!
and now, all i ever wanted was a fren, mainly my best fren to help me remain calm, help me keep a clear mind and not do anything rash.... when u asked for my approval, do i have the right to say no?!!! they say they are so scared of me, but are they so scared that they will cry when they see me? go crazy and wanna run away when they see me? they are not, only faking, they are the ones who have the power to crush my life. all three. they accused me for everything. but here, i present the truth. flipper/faker, f8ker and faggot(kar wing, did i say correctly for the word?)
what is humiliation compared to what have i been going thru............
the both of u said the same thing, i wont be so easily influenced, both persons i love most, but what happened, tell me..
please, and its not easy to leave her,ting. just like him, becos i love them, and she is my best fren.
to that someone on my tag: choose for yourself who i am. choose for urself which is true, only then, can i know who my frens are. thats all i can say.
cheng, btw, i really cant tell u what happened, you wont believe me and it will only jeopardise our frenship.. really.
signing off soon. pray for me, to be able to stand bravely against temptaion to evil. i might just change within one min, i cannot really tell.
will post all that fun stuffi went thru soon, kay? im really tired from all that crying. really tired. all i wanted was for my love to be returned in full.
Labels: ** crying in the rain, frens, i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to, jigsaw puzzle for the fated, me, somebody Save me
Hosanna in the Highest
2:48 AM
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
i tot i will only use this label for certain pple, but seems like not now....
ok, lets add some stuff that i forgot to say last week, did u noe ying en is so wierd?... like i only smile at her and she starts laughing silently... then i caught her playing nonsense during CO, it was like si hui's fingers were precise and quick, and i saw ying en's fat four fingers moving up and down at the same time... haha, she anyhow play la..
then i found out that my mom conned me into selling my shares to her, and she just showed me her financial report---- she lost $16 000 but earned $357 000, wth!!!! con me, if she dint buy my shares, i would have earned $5 000. so baad!!! and im her daughter sia, no wonder she buy so many new stuff these days...hmmph.
erm, what else... ok, today sucks la... first thing come in was homec which freaking made me stressed... so many things to do... and all are expected to be of quality...
then it was a hungry and very stressful day, had to think due to past neglience during lessons....
i felt tremors during maths kay!!!
amanda aw, i felt it and my maid felt it too, there must have been an earthquake or something in the afternoon!! man, i told u.... at first i tot must be i hungry or i think too hard..... was feeling giddy thereafter, i told you!!!!!!!
ok, then it was after school, more homec to be completed... then went for the first chinese society thing... man, i wasnt exactly delighted to see some pple there......
ok, am i now allowed to flame someone here? its my blog ya.... so here i go...anyway, she nvr visit my blog b4 de.. dun even think she noe i got blog la
hey, i got highest in class for chinese you noe? so what if u got higher, it just means our teacher is way strict. so what if i did badly this year?!
im not like u, loaded, so thick-skinned that u dun bother bout things...., have a complete and happy family, and the guy u like merely treats u as another one whom he can flirt with... which you obviously enjoy...=.-
so super disgusted.... im not like you, u dun have to worry about ur parents losing their job, u dun have to go thru being in this kinda family, not like you, who simply burns ur moeny away, not like you who could diss pple just at a snap of fingers whether she did any wrong... and u are not in a class with strict or grouchy or teachers that are not favoured, on the contrary, u have the best and most lenient teachers....
im an underdog, u are not.u dun have frens who are changing in a flash. u dun have a guy who hurts u so much, u begin to doubt ur existence in life for the first time ever.. u dun have all these troubles thrown and highlighted in bold for you right in the beginning of the year. you dun feel the hurt ur loved one gave u. its so painful, u find it impossible to experience something worse than that, that u feel numb towards all the failures...
if u were in my shoes, u would have given up hope of living, hope of trying hard to study. practically all that, without God, i really would have given everything up.
and do not think that u are that great, ur continual behaviuor like that incurred the hatred of many. ask urself, who is ur best fren, and what makes u so sure, she/he is.
ur fashion sense is terrible, which girl ur age wears clothes befitting that of a 20s?
stop saying and acting stupid like a complete ditzy and bimbotic and bitchy person who says i love you and she is my fren, to any other stranger. fren has a whole new other meaning to it. and i see that u simply dun understand what it is..
ok, enough of flaming le... quite excited for march hols... going to do our own homec trial:) and most glad to play tennis with yannis:):) meeting sarah for piano too, if possible....
i improved greatly:):) lol.... gtg now, DJ wants to talk..... bb
haha, maybe i will make DJ be our judge for the trial thing:) anw, getting to noe DJ better this year le:) thanks to kar wing....
Labels: ** crying in the rain, i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to
Hosanna in the Highest
1:56 AM
Thursday, February 22, 2007
today's birthday is so so, not too bad.. if u can consider not crying good:), i suppose i can say so, at least its peacceful enough, most of the times.
met a p;erson who doesnt want to admit her mistakes, and is gonna get flamed by my other frens who care about me, i just wanted u to admit ur mistakes and wrongs, then i will protect u from the coming harms, thats all! whatmore, u were pranking me horridly, using jesse.
my senior made me think she gonna give me a huge surpirse, only to tell me a lame excuse for not allowing me to go up my class=.- argh, eunice gave me another diary!:)
amanda, JY and AH making me have heart attack, got to wait till next week:( lol, suspense...
my fan club dint noe my bdae today, so sad, haha and thanks jia hui for the card:)
went out with PD and gaiana after that, crashed the arcade again of cos, my score is super high can?!! alvin, u want to challenge me to wat? be it daytona or time crisis, u can give up.
ok, maybe can win daytona by ninja, but my time crisis skills are good, i can say!
went home, with a feast prep by my maid as usual, i wasz hoping my sis can give me a proper gift, but she still gave me this erm, shirt, its ok la, but the design is like something that she will like lor, not me! then she making me wear to church... i dun want! sorry la, but i dun like that kind of shirt wat, then my mom gave me this huge box of accesories, which i like some:) always teach me to be practical, but still give me that... $90 leh... waste money, also give me earrings.... right.... my maid gave me a sports tee:)
oh N my mom bought super yummy berry cheesecake from bakerzinn:):) not bad, i rate it 8/10, the one in paris tt i ate is 9/10, looking for perfect de:)
actually quite sad la, todday. like i noe my mom and sis got spend effort getting me those, but i honestly dun like, and i think my honesty pissed them...
then this *******, came smsing me... when i was smiling and cutting my cake, happy about god loving me for 14 years and for years to come. please, i beg you, im pleading with you, im trying so hard to avoid u, dun look for me, what goes on btween me and my frens is none of ur prob, ur accusations nearly pushed me to tears, leave me alone!!! havent u hurt me enough!!! go away, i beg you. my birthday wish, for all the three celebrations is nvr to see u again, NEVER.
i will type out the letter in 2 years time. for all to laugh, by that time, i dun believe i havent grown.Labels: ** crying in the rain, i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to, me
Hosanna in the Highest
4:32 AM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
its my fault, for bringing the first strand of dishonesty into mour relationship, then we started drifting, i get what u mean, u knew it, and i know that you do. i apologise, i was punished enough.
and to my frens, dun blame the wrong person, even thou he has stupid reasons for being angry at me, i still accept his reasons.
jesse, forgive me, i do. i have been keeping my promise true, this will be the last time i will ever mention u. if u find out i dun keep it, hack my acc and delete everything, that i allow.
Labels: i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to
Hosanna in the Highest
4:31 AM
Friday, December 15, 2006
sorry for not posting in ages, really cant be bothered with updating, this is a bad habit and i will try to get into momentum, im really bummed today.
is it really irritating? u nvr said! how would i noe! i tot u dint mind! u always took the initiative to play music while we were at it.
count it urself? how many times have u got angry over me? huh?! and even took it out on me, on occasions when im not in fault.
i dun get it, u noe how it feels to be have someone taking it out on u, then why are u doing it to me? talking nonsense like" cos u are the closest to me, and i think of u first"?! this is pure nonsense, giving lame excuses, if it was so, u would have at least listed me in the 40s list, if u get what im talking about.
who hasnt fouled b4? u? no way,dude.
get mad at u pretty often too, but i hardly ever took it out on u.
why must u always be on the receiving end? cant u give and share a little? u always manage to make urself seem, rite, or rather, 'stupid little eunice is apologising so much that it helps u too'
argh, i shall state all the bad things, since u dun even visit my blog.
u keep such a good record of me offending you, SINCE the first week, or even month, oh Lord! imagine that! and u keep digging it up each time u get angry, or upset with me, u just keep so, then ur anger snowballs, and u start to get seriously enraged and furious, that was it, keep it adding, everyone noes how silly or direct i can be, but it will also go to show how petty u are, my sir, yes, it will,
while sometimes u bite me back when i persume/assume things, but u do that too, and all i did was to find evidence of it not being true, why cant u be arrgh, nvm, this makes it sound so demanding, writing and spewing everything out all at one go makes me feel more at comfort, u are not the only who has frens to encourage u to make u feel better, i have too,:)
stop being this way la, for God's sake, u obviously do not understand how this feels, or u wouldnt be starting this vicious cycle.. yup, sayonara for now, but i will cont to pray fer all ye out there, especially YOU, to try to be more godly, as from what i heard.
heys, and maybe there was this hidden term? if u want me to cont being the 'slave',u should at least try to maintain a how to put in, 良好的关系, after all, im under ur dominance now, and i wont allow dominion to occur, so think about it!!!
Labels: i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to
Hosanna in the Highest
9:51 PM
