Saturday, May 12, 2007

well, since the prob cant be fixed, why should i deprive you guys from knowing all the fun stuff we did?

okie, lets start from the last PE lesson,...



at table tennis...

for three games out of four..
the scores were
10-3
10-7
9-10
10-9

lol....i told him i was gonna show off at my blog.. and he pretended to look weak-.-

well, okie.. then its exams..

then on thurs, i went to yannis house with shu rui, pei fang, joyann, xiang rong,charmaine and ting ting :)

we watched mr bean till halfway cos we really agreed that it was too stupid.. then watched castaway for less than 5 mins b4 we decided to watch poisedon-.- it was cooll, i liked that movie..remembered i first watched it with cheng joo..she said it was boring thou..

anyways, found out thru pooisedon that pei fang is a sadist who keeps saying to tell her when someone dies..-.-

then we played lots of tennis and badminton. the cold green tea tasted like cough medicine-.- then ting and i had maggi mee.. i cook very nice rite PEi fang? anw, had loads of fun :):)

just accepted two disciples.. my elder disciple is ong ting wei, second is lim pei fang, third should be rachel..cos she said she wanted to learn tennis during the june hols.. lol

okie.. then on fri, the mini olympics sucked.. that day all in all sucked, i just feel very guity and sorry for Pei fang and Joyann who went out with such a loser---me... felt real sick, and the seats we had for the spidey show sucked.. like in front? and u had to tilt ur head.. so uncomfortable, wanted to puke..


that day sucked, the first thing when i got home , i stayed in my room to rest.
then about 10+? i went down to watch TV..
got dumped,someone dropped a bomb on me .. at about 11? then i stayed up real late to cry.. OMG, cried and tried hard to sleep for these two nites..

i was so scared last nite, for like some time, my world suddenly blacked out, i couldnt exactly open my eyes.. like i was blinded...my eyes were very strained....so i sneaked(was supposed to sleep) an sms to cheng..its quite fine now thou, or i wouldnt be able to type..

yesterday really sucked, particularly cos its someone's special day, and it kills me to know.

as u can see, i skipped church, its sunday morning now u noe?
i dun think i could stand pple asking me why i look so sad, so tired, your eyes are soo red,is everything ok?
then i prob wouldnt be able to control my tears by the time i force out an 'ok' from my mouth.

yea, so i made use of my fever..

havent been able to eat at all..in fact, from fri nite till now, i only remembered eating two pieces of fish and some winter melon soup for lunch on sat.. sheesh


anw, its mother's day, i have to learn to start smiling..cook a nice meal for my mom.... its been a real tough year for her at work, while i was overcoming pple like nvm, she had to battle with a equally horrible rogue, or maybe slightly worse..while still obeying christ's word.. , and my granny is seriously ill now. even thou she is not my mom's blood mother, she has raised her with love when there was no ties involved..


Kw, i really dun think i should do that.. so what of she came back, how diff would i be from them?...you cant exactly revive a dead.
ting wei is right.. quite right there

well, monday i going to be a gruelling day.. gotta hear that so-called truth.. i pretty much know what to do..i suppose..may not be fully right or can fully reduce hurt, but, well, i dunno.





since everything has changed, why should i pretend i dint?

Labels: ** crying in the rain, somebody Save me

Hosanna in the Highest
6:10 PM

Friday, May 11, 2007

dunno why i cant add colour or enlarge any fonts.. can anyone tell me why?

okie, just came back from spidey with pei fang and joyann.... found out that i am running a fever of 39.1 degrees......... even kar wing could see im sick, but i tot it was cause im too unwell emotionally.. i have heard of crying causing blindness, but does it cause ur brain to fry?
no wonder each time my brain hurts so much when i start to tear.

i have been crying last nite, today... starting to thiink that there isnt a prob with crying , it helps me to release the anguish in my heart.

i perceieved a terrible news, its so cruel and hard on me that im so scared i will turn into something i will regret in the future. it traumatised me so badly that just thinking or seeing it will freak me out and make me cry....
truth truly hurts.

the prob is i dint even do anything other than being myself. i dint do ANYTHING wrong!!!!!!!! how can this happen to me?!
What can i do to make u stop this? what can i do to make you leAve!!!!!!!

and now, all i ever wanted was a fren, mainly my best fren to help me remain calm, help me keep a clear mind and not do anything rash.... when u asked for my approval, do i have the right to say no?!!! they say they are so scared of me, but are they so scared that they will cry when they see me? go crazy and wanna run away when they see me? they are not, only faking, they are the ones who have the power to crush my life. all three. they accused me for everything. but here, i present the truth. flipper/faker, f8ker and faggot(kar wing, did i say correctly for the word?)
what is humiliation compared to what have i been going thru............

the both of u said the same thing, i wont be so easily influenced, both persons i love most, but what happened, tell me..

please, and its not easy to leave her,ting. just like him, becos i love them, and she is my best fren.

to that someone on my tag: choose for yourself who i am. choose for urself which is true, only then, can i know who my frens are. thats all i can say.

cheng, btw, i really cant tell u what happened, you wont believe me and it will only jeopardise our frenship.. really.

signing off soon. pray for me, to be able to stand bravely against temptaion to evil. i might just change within one min, i cannot really tell.

will post all that fun stuffi went thru soon, kay? im really tired from all that crying. really tired. all i wanted was for my love to be returned in full.

Labels: ** crying in the rain, frens, i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to, jigsaw puzzle for the fated, me, somebody Save me

Hosanna in the Highest
2:48 AM

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

ok, back to blogging bout my day...

it sucks la, i have been sobbing on and off, its only when i play cards that i dun feel so upset... i dun even laugh that much anymore...
i feel i have depression... and its like 99.9% true... cos like which normal person would run off to want to commit suicide? and even like vanish or cry so often and will be so super sensitive!?

im so sorry i cant bring that much laughter to you guys anymore.. sorry that its your turn to help me.. hopefully fren's loyalty and company will rid me of all the depression in my heart...
you guys have no idea how serious i am when i want to commit suicide. i dunno whats holding me back, but im kind of waiting for someone to rescue me...

sorry, but i hope you all can help me, by like continuing to be encouraging to me.. maybe you guys are the someone who can rescue me.

and i know its kind of not my way to be so nice to those pple who prosecute me... but i really want peace and nothing negative... im just saving myself... i dun want to be driven to death and regretting it ltr, cos there is no returning back... i dunno, im looking for all sorts of method to rid my depression anything, but a psychologist...

im sorry if i really get insane..dun get mad i predict that i will get very snappish too.. when things dun go according to plan... im so sorry........really so sorry and im very sorry if i run off or scream or anything cos im scared i might say something inappropriate again... so sorry but please help me for now

PLEASE help me!

Labels: ** crying in the rain, somebody Save me

Hosanna in the Highest
6:34 AM

Friday, March 30, 2007

anyways, the only happy thing that happened yesterday was the interview, which gave me a looooong recess;) and ying en and shu rui forgiving me.... and of cos a lot of pple saying im 'zai', which means good, at the way i move with the music....

oh and shu rui, dun be so violent la, when i hit once, u hit once, its enough le, calll it quits and please hit with the same amount of strength, kay? my bruise still there and very pain....

erm, then SYF on mon, quite nervous, everyone dying to see me in costume.... but i dun allow u guys to take without asking my permission, okay? i will take with you, if u ask permission de, but must give me a copy... :):)
i look ok in it, actually;) ok, got CO, bb, will reply ur msgs soon :)

ying en, and must talk to me more ya? u know why de, and i repeat, im NOT a lesbian !!!!!

ok, sorry, havent CO yet... so i cont adding more words to my nice nice post...
erm, i want to intro my new fren, yi zhen, from CO ruan..... :) she's quite nice, give me due respect to a senior and is a fun person too, maybe can develop frenship...

while im getting closer and frenlier with terie, eunice is becoming very irritating, she is like become very like dun like me lor... as in last year we always joke and stuff, but this year she is like soooooo tensed up and starts snapping at me la!!!! then she say she very stressed and dun have the mood, but everytime see her with her frens like smiling like that la.... omg, feel like screaming at her, she is my favourite senior la!

haizz, havent memorised the scores yet, the pizzicato part most hard la... esp 95 of harvest festival, change for every bar=.= how to memosirise, i only know the first two bars of that part la! then everytime bring the scores back to memorise also forget to do so=.= ... ltr got to rush to tennis after co=.= i dun want to miss tennis....

then after tennis, got to rush for CG at pasir ris=.=, arrgh where to bath... i dun like to bath at the tennis center la, the ladies washroom is filled with girls who look exactly like guys, all the sailing, netball those girls too...... i rmb i go there comb hair, then they stared at me, tot i entered wrong toilet can....-.-

ok, go pack my bag le, bb....is it very hard for u all to read my posts like that huh? i divide into two hor!

Labels: ** crying in the rain, frens

Hosanna in the Highest
5:10 PM

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

i tot i will only use this label for certain pple, but seems like not now....

ok, lets add some stuff that i forgot to say last week, did u noe ying en is so wierd?... like i only smile at her and she starts laughing silently... then i caught her playing nonsense during CO, it was like si hui's fingers were precise and quick, and i saw ying en's fat four fingers moving up and down at the same time... haha, she anyhow play la..

then i found out that my mom conned me into selling my shares to her, and she just showed me her financial report---- she lost $16 000 but earned $357 000, wth!!!! con me, if she dint buy my shares, i would have earned $5 000. so baad!!! and im her daughter sia, no wonder she buy so many new stuff these days...hmmph.

erm, what else... ok, today sucks la... first thing come in was homec which freaking made me stressed... so many things to do... and all are expected to be of quality...

then it was a hungry and very stressful day, had to think due to past neglience during lessons....
i felt tremors during maths kay!!! amanda aw, i felt it and my maid felt it too, there must have been an earthquake or something in the afternoon!! man, i told u.... at first i tot must be i hungry or i think too hard..... was feeling giddy thereafter, i told you!!!!!!!

ok, then it was after school, more homec to be completed... then went for the first chinese society thing... man, i wasnt exactly delighted to see some pple there......
ok, am i now allowed to flame someone here? its my blog ya.... so here i go...anyway, she nvr visit my blog b4 de.. dun even think she noe i got blog la

hey, i got highest in class for chinese you noe? so what if u got higher, it just means our teacher is way strict. so what if i did badly this year?!
im not like u, loaded, so thick-skinned that u dun bother bout things...., have a complete and happy family, and the guy u like merely treats u as another one whom he can flirt with... which you obviously enjoy...=.-


so super disgusted.... im not like you, u dun have to worry about ur parents losing their job, u dun have to go thru being in this kinda family, not like you, who simply burns ur moeny away, not like you who could diss pple just at a snap of fingers whether she did any wrong... and u are not in a class with strict or grouchy or teachers that are not favoured, on the contrary, u have the best and most lenient teachers....
im an underdog, u are not.u dun have frens who are changing in a flash. u dun have a guy who hurts u so much, u begin to doubt ur existence in life for the first time ever.. u dun have all these troubles thrown and highlighted in bold for you right in the beginning of the year. you dun feel the hurt ur loved one gave u. its so painful, u find it impossible to experience something worse than that, that u feel numb towards all the failures...

if u were in my shoes, u would have given up hope of living, hope of trying hard to study. practically all that, without God, i really would have given everything up.

and do not think that u are that great, ur continual behaviuor like that incurred the hatred of many. ask urself, who is ur best fren, and what makes u so sure, she/he is.
ur fashion sense is terrible, which girl ur age wears clothes befitting that of a 20s?
stop saying and acting stupid like a complete ditzy and bimbotic and bitchy person who says i love you and she is my fren, to any other stranger. fren has a whole new other meaning to it. and i see that u simply dun understand what it is..


ok, enough of flaming le... quite excited for march hols... going to do our own homec trial:) and most glad to play tennis with yannis:):) meeting sarah for piano too, if possible....
i improved greatly:):) lol.... gtg now, DJ wants to talk..... bb
haha, maybe i will make DJ be our judge for the trial thing:) anw, getting to noe DJ better this year le:) thanks to kar wing....

Labels: ** crying in the rain, i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to

Hosanna in the Highest
1:56 AM

Thursday, February 22, 2007

today's birthday is so so, not too bad.. if u can consider not crying good:), i suppose i can say so, at least its peacceful enough, most of the times.

met a p;erson who doesnt want to admit her mistakes, and is gonna get flamed by my other frens who care about me, i just wanted u to admit ur mistakes and wrongs, then i will protect u from the coming harms, thats all! whatmore, u were pranking me horridly, using jesse.

my senior made me think she gonna give me a huge surpirse, only to tell me a lame excuse for not allowing me to go up my class=.- argh, eunice gave me another diary!:)

amanda, JY and AH making me have heart attack, got to wait till next week:( lol, suspense...
my fan club dint noe my bdae today, so sad, haha and thanks jia hui for the card:)

went out with PD and gaiana after that, crashed the arcade again of cos, my score is super high can?!! alvin, u want to challenge me to wat? be it daytona or time crisis, u can give up.
ok, maybe can win daytona by ninja, but my time crisis skills are good, i can say!

went home, with a feast prep by my maid as usual, i wasz hoping my sis can give me a proper gift, but she still gave me this erm, shirt, its ok la, but the design is like something that she will like lor, not me! then she making me wear to church... i dun want! sorry la, but i dun like that kind of shirt wat, then my mom gave me this huge box of accesories, which i like some:) always teach me to be practical, but still give me that... $90 leh... waste money, also give me earrings.... right.... my maid gave me a sports tee:)


oh N my mom bought super yummy berry cheesecake from bakerzinn:):) not bad, i rate it 8/10, the one in paris tt i ate is 9/10, looking for perfect de:)

actually quite sad la, todday. like i noe my mom and sis got spend effort getting me those, but i honestly dun like, and i think my honesty pissed them...

then this *******, came smsing me... when i was smiling and cutting my cake, happy about god loving me for 14 years and for years to come.
please, i beg you, im pleading with you, im trying so hard to avoid u, dun look for me, what goes on btween me and my frens is none of ur prob, ur accusations nearly pushed me to tears, leave me alone!!! havent u hurt me enough!!! go away, i beg you.







my birthday wish, for all the three celebrations is nvr to see u again, NEVER.
i will type out the letter in 2 years time. for all to laugh, by that time, i dun believe i havent grown.

Labels: ** crying in the rain, i cant make u feel guilty and i wont bother trying to, me

Hosanna in the Highest
4:32 AM

Friday, December 22, 2006

Labels: ** crying in the rain

Hosanna in the Highest
4:41 AM

theBlessedStar

Eunice Choong,Grace/Rocket22293/What!
22FEBRUARY!!!!!!!;o
Anglican High School
Ignyte Youth Ministry Trinity@PL!

brothersandsisters

† 1D'06
† 2C'o7
† Amanda
† Ang Hong
†Charmaine
† Cheng Joo:)
† CheW Shian:)
† Cui Fen
† Delphine
† Ding Jun:)
† Emily
† Genesis/GIP
† Hannah
† Hui Wen!!my number6;o
† Isabel
† Javier
† Janice
† Jesse
† Jessie
† Jessie!!;o
† Jiahui
† Jianle
† Jing Xin
† John
† Joyann,Pei Fang,Yannis,Sheau Ling
† Jun Yao:)
† Jun Ying!whoo!:)
† Kar Wing
† Kar Wing
† Olivia
† Pamela
† Peak Deng
† Pei Ling
† Pei Xuan
† Priscilla
† Rachel:)
† Renice
† Samantha
† Sarah
† Shelley
† Sheena
† Shiny!:)
† Shu Rui!:)
† Si Hui!:)
† Tania
† 3rd little pig.airpork
† TERI:)
† Ting Xuan
† Tzy HaRN
† Venus
† Wen Jie-.-
† Sheng Yong
† Yannis:)
† Ying En
† YI NA!
† Yizhen
† YU FAN!:)
† Wanda
† ZHI QING!:) lol

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