so sorry if i scared u guys today. dint have enough time to warn that i was gonna cry like before... cos i usually say that im going to do so b4 i actually breakdown.

wanted to die, literally, i wanted to jump off the building badly.

im sure u guys all know that i gave up studying after being put in a underdog class,

my results showed it too, my mom is so upset that she is putting me in tuition . any idea how stressed i can be? even if i failed everything last time, she wouldnt have forced me to join tuition against my wishes. money is so important to my family now, esp since my mother faced some probs in jobs and she is the sole breadwinner.

im bucking up and no matter whether i pay attention in class or not, i cant handle the subject, for im failing at eng maths and science, the core subs even for the rest of JC, now i cant even pass! and i used to top the class? omg, noe how badly i wanted to die? i hate to fail or lose out to others. and im not doing well enough to pull my average up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and loving someone is tough.

i dun wanna talk about my christianity, its really weak now, i would say my faith is near to zilch now.....i dun feel the love at all!!

i know GOLD for CO was given by him, there was absolutely no way we could have gotten it on our own, but he is not helping me in my other areas!!

do u noe i nearly gave up my religion alongside with everything else until i heard you guys saying that you guys love me? it felt good to know ur frens still care, it felt good that its not true u have nothing in life!

it made me start to work hard towards my goal again, thank you!

and after that, there was alvin and chee fong, they made laugh a bit then we played cards... i won :) alvin's pumping-gave-luck-to-card playing dint work, of cos....

well, time for some more joyful news... sorrry

we went for SYF yesterday. i knew we had quite a fair bit of mistakes, but perhaps it was our easygoing and sincere attitude that wowed the judges, i kept to my faith that god will let us have gold and that he is our only hope, thats the only reason we could have gotten gold:)

perhaps he dint want to add on to my grievances. well, i actually look good in THAT costume.... ok la.... had fun too, did my best in acting and dancing with my bass :)

of cos i had most fun screaming into my frnes ears via the phone... DJ the most dead de.... no great expression, i was screaming:" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! CO got gold, yea, i rock, bye bye"

well, dint join them at KFC at bedok... thou it was super tempting... i still ate KFC la, but i dabao the 3-piece chicky home from paya lebar singpost... theng hui got off there too, and he said the nicest thing ever, next to jon's....

(here's what something the convo is)

eunice: "im going to buy KFC, love eating it most...."

TH: "already like that still eat?"

eunice: "不可以吗？现在肥肥的很可爱呀。"

TH: "对阿，你是很可爱。"

of cos feel good la....

anw, alvin, you dunno CF well at all, not that i do now, but its easy to see and feel so, even CF reflects that its the case....

anw, liked that u said im half boy... i would rather be called that than niang girl.... cos i hate it.. ya la, in my role as a girl, i treat my frens with gentleness accordingly.... i cry in front of them when im sad..

as a buddy to guys, i treat them with loyalty and sincerity and play well with them.... i would have died if they saw me cry, i would die bearing it... and i hate it when they treat me as a girl and show diff in how they treat me... its all very diff de la... when i free then i give a proper case-study report on each of my girlfrens and buddy :) gtg now anyways, bye!