Thursday, September 14, 2006
I felt so empty today, i dunno, i had this huge '
Emotional Tsunami' , so much so that i cried. Months of anger,hatred,jealousy,sadness,depression and every dAMN feeling just came out of me thru the form of tears.
the usual methods of laughing,eating,singing,sleeping, didnt at all work to relieve me of my emptiness and sadness, i was just deceiving myself that im okay, but no, they dun work at all!!
but then i realised i forg0t something, i forgot something, thruout the entire period of time that i was in the dumps, i did not at all pray. i have been neglecting him in my life for weeks, i skipped my daily devotions, and even when i was doing them, my mind was still full of other things. (that was why i prayed hard today, i wasnt sleeping)
hey,btw, i went to the sacred tree, its still the place for me to be! always quitens ur heart and think things thru, i see that there were a few more additions- chameleons, they look so cool, changing the colours and stuff:)
Anyway,today, i finally prayed, i wanted to ask him what i had to do to eARn back that joy he granted me after spiritual revival from church camp. i just couldnt figure out what God wanted me to do to straighten out the mess my life is in. Then, i remembered what i was taught-- to do wat i think will be rite in the eyes of the Lord. i decided to stay out of the dispute that they are in. I trusted that my mom is old enough to solve her relationships, and God will protect her, bcos she truly is woman of great faith, my role model.
Today, i have resolved to let God do his stuff, let him decide my fate, i will just have to press on with faith in Him.I remembered what this 'wise' sage said, " of the different paths to knowledge there is , urs is one of the hardest, wrought with unhappines and difficulties. Then he l8r showed me this song, 'all the roads no matter lonely or narrow, will all come back to thee...' "
He reminded me that all the paths will take me back to the Lord, so just take each step with happines, instead of anger,frustartions, and depression.
Javier is rite after all, im not alone, i have u, and my frenz, and most improtantly, God is there for me.... and perhaps voldy... lol
Im changing everyday towards being more God-like, and perhaps, i dun succeed, not once not twice, some take all their life, but i will try to do wats rite, and not what is pleasing, cos im not a puppy. Sanctification is the hardest thing to accomplish, it says in the bible, but it will be possible, with God. Im trying really hard, so do forgive me when i fail yet again, just do tell me where i could try to improve:) and i will folo it in accordance to the bible, everybody is imperfect, and im just a damn imbecile, but i will kempetai, Lord!!
P.s( anyway, i saw the two of them being called and given green forms. i noe clearly that they were innocent this time, they are! and so i have finally made up my mind to look for mr ong. this is to compensate them and repent for backstabbing ur best fren, at least thats how i would view it, in others, shoes, whether or not its meant on purpose or not...)
Hosanna in the Highest
2:27 AM
