Friday, September 29, 2006
whoa, i just had a damn nap that lasted about 4 hours?
and currently, as my body's metabolism works, i have a base sleep time of 8-10hrs a day.
and how long i napped, it will be deducted from my sleep time. so, i think i will be peeped up to be up all nite:(
play something.. i guess
Arrgh,usually i would stay up to play card games, but no one to play sae
anyway, today had a great time celebrating Gaiana's bdae at parkway today:)
u really didnt noe how wild she can be, compared to her in class.
yea, anyway, had a fun time discussing about anything and everything in the world, we even found that "print" shop that had a main branch in city link. i found this really nice notebook that has a pic of someone really like *****, so i hinted to them, u see?
but i worried if next year i use as diary rite, my new class might arise some talk about it...
then we went to the pet store, dragged by peak deng.... anyway, we saw two charcters naked,running about in the hay...lol,so funny-.- o.0
wishlist:
a)pencil case for *** ***
b)patrick for **** ***
c)bag for **** ***
d)Diary for ******
e)cushion and choker for *** ***
f)meteor garden 1 -.- for *** ***
g) book or guitar charm for ******
h)wallet for ******
i) cds for **** ****
and for my wishlist:(hint*)a)diary, but offered to be bought by gaiana and peak, yes, that expensive one:)b)addidas bag but offered to be bought by jy and wen ruic)wallet maybe? or maybe more sling bags, maybe that one in minitoons, that black checkered one:)d)high school musical DVDe)mind ur language video?f) bears, all are welcome to buy bears for me, cos i collect them, currently with at least 160+, still counting...DJ buying thatg)necklaces and bracelets would be fine, but no pink or red, cos i dun have anything to match it ba.=.= i dun want flower designs de horoh, and if u havent bought me a bdae gift, i would very much appreciate it if u present me something of higher value, thanx very much!! p.s(actually, i would accept anything but try not to give me food gifts,unless u are treating me to a meal:)offered by Ting Xuanand no RA. stuff, i dun accept prank gifts le, Jun yao's one is the last... hehe)thats all, thankx!! Xp Hosanna in the Highest
7:23 AM
Thursday, September 28, 2006
hi everyone!
i dun care about the cheesecake thing, cos its taste will definitely not be able to match up with the one that i ate in Germy(:
and i really felt very guilty, today, somehow, pple suddenly asked me about the seperating of class. i have to admit, i was probably the only and first to support this idea, cos i.... nvm
but today, the two of u showed me that u cared about me when im upset, i cant believe it. the two who always laughed at me?!
and where else could i find pple who would see my silly antics to be funny like jia hui and cui fen?
where would i find pple who knew that i was afraid to be tickled? who would advise me stuff on my life?
who would be there to give me a hard time in life, which allows me to leaRN some tough lessons to avoid in the future?
and most importantly, where else can i find pple to pour out my troubles like i can to YOU and Jave?
im feeling guilty, thats why im being crazy these few days, yet still look sad, cos im gonna miss u
i will, no matter how u guys hurt me.
i will put up my diary blog next year, so u guys can have fun(:
Hosanna in the Highest
2:06 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
hi everyone, just came back from a meal with fatty Colin Soh and that idiot BEn soh who stole my drink that frightful christmas!! my DRink!!!! yea, and if u imagine me saying it in ting xuan's childish voice, it will be really hilarious.....
dunno why my body is changing so wierdly. after all that eating disorder toks, my body seem to reject food in a wierd way. first, i realise that i dun turn on at the sight of food. Can u imagine that??!!!, me? reject food?!
as in, when i see food, i feel like vomitting. i dunno why, but i will feel nauseous, but i still feel hungry, its so wierd. and i cant seem to down carbo properly without covering my mouth to prevent "merlioning". i dunno, i try to force myself to eat it, but its hard to keep it down , and i found out that the sit is better without carb. yea, so avoiding carb. can u imagine, even thou the only carb i had during today's lunch is that cheese cake. forgot to tell u, i can resist anything, but cheese cake, cos im so addicted to it after that slice in paris. its just soo good, the proportion of flour and water is just right, causing the texture to flow, yea, sorry, lets not digress.
back to the case: okie, so after eating that distasteful chesse cake, i felt so horrid that i threw up.
throwing up chesse cake? me?!
dun ask why, even i dunno. and erm, please, im not prregnant or stuff=.= PMS is wrong!!
so, dunno if this is good, cos it will help me in my diet, but it feels wierd to like avoid food?!
and now, instead of gorging when im stressed or upset, or anything, i turn to music and can forgo food, thats so wierd!!! is there any logical explanation? it cant be that my body feels i have had enough food already?!! all my other systems are okay.
dunnoo, leh, and my hormones are properly developed.
im just wierd....
Hosanna in the Highest
12:42 AM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
yo! my blog is up again!!
it really cant be easier to guess le, who asked u guys not to watch SI?!
btw, i think got some pple found it le, but dun want to say, if u guys dun tell me who u are, i will let the blog remain stagnant sia!!
and keep it to urself, wdv u read, kay?!
btw, listen to the song there, its really nice:)
sincerely d3dicated by eunice to someone who really needs to noe.
and i dunno why God always plans to test our faith by asking us to do things that we dun like.
and he always makes go soft at my decisions-.- by asking pple to like tokabout related topics.
i remember i was just asking how much faith i had to have to cont liking him, and whoa, freaky!!
that nites caregroup was about having faith to do what pleases God. yeah rite, its so coincidental that i nearly feel of my seat, and javier's advice so hit the nail, wat the, i cant belive it, i really wish that he is not God's chosen, cos its so.... despite, arrgh, lets not put it soo direct, shall we?
tata, gtg
Hosanna in the Highest
12:15 AM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
oh and decided to do a double post today cos this thing is really interesting,
now, after rushing home after a couple of admin stuff, i grabbed the damn file and took a taxi back to sch, it was a very tensed up moment, i think i did that cold sweat thing again, i remembered that the last time it happened was after some test and kia qian saw me perspiring, lol, i didnt even noe...
okie, back to the story, then i reached sch, passed her the file and tried to say thanx to her“你真得很厉害”=.= of cos i li hai lah, digg that, i really went all out to earn that 3 marks, i tried to forget it and think of it as everyone else,"its just 3 marks", but its somehow really important to me, theres a million reason why i want to do well, and that 500bucks is only the strand of it... pressure, grr, heat, him. oh and btw, sorry that theres a lot of him, and its not really convenient for me to tell all, u may ask me, but i may or may not tell u. haha
okay, cont... then i dashed down the hill to catch a return cab, (mind u, i was in such a frenzy that i didnt notice i didnt wear my socks,lol)
okie, then i went up this cab, the uncle is really how to say, erm, one-of-a-kind.
well, he keeps saying time is money and that he has a lot of men under him and stuff? which sort of scared me, but then i could see from his accent that he is quite learned and he has good diction, erm, besides those flying spits, lol. Then he started toking about the government and all the corruptions, like the MP***** *** **** leading a double life, and how lousy singapore is, he even said that he would love to see singapore die down and get taken back back malaysia.
i was so shocked, i really dunno how to converse with him, i mean, i treat MR lee hsien loong with reverence, he is after all an acquaitance of mine, and yet , here i am, facing this man who puts singapore in such a bad light, but i could see that he seems very sad and also angered about life? and maybe becos of the government, he told me that his wife was having a stroke.
We then went on to the standard of living in singapore, that there were bills everywhere, i wanted to tell him that Australia is having 12%GST lor. but somehow, i agreed with him at parts and sympathised him, he seems to be pouring out all his displeasures, he seems really sadist..
He must have had a horrible past, all about gangsters and his 'men' and stuff, i could see that he has lots of underground connections. he then told me stuff that i never knew singapore's government could have, they sound true, but lets not be biase here, since i have always leaarnt to submit to authority, the stuff that he shared really shocked me.
anyway, he gave me his number to call, if i needed a cab, and he says he wont charge surcharge and booking fee:) i was unsure if i should like be so close to him, but i have this naggy feeling that he is an okay man, after all, he is roman catholic, just let me be his listening ears:) im willing and ready for that, pray foe him,he seems to be leading a bad life... and me(safety).:)
Hosanna in the Highest
4:32 AM
i dunno, but i got that tinge of vibes in me today, yea, that stupid chinese file ruined my day, but it was still fun. Thus, i have decided to give u guys a peek into my diary entry today, just happened to find time writing it during maths,haha, im not stoning eh>. , erm..of cos i will censor certain parts,yea!
Diary entry:19th Sept o6'Spaced...(title)haizz,so stressed,just finished hist test and there was chinese test b4 that. i forgot to bring that daMN file,she says she will 扣三分. Sorry but i wont allow that and so, im rushing back to bring it to school and i will have to rush the corrections, so stressed rite?(*censored--2 para)Corrine may's song always applied to me, i think partly bcos its quite christian based, should let, aherm hear it too. that Jesse mccartney sounds so gay lor, puh-lease..-.-And ma just made a very good deal with me, $500 cash if im in top 10%.Whoo! It would mean a mp3 and that palm top hp? i wanted=)thats why im studying pretty hard, cos im hard up financing my investments, thats why i cant go out with u 2 so often le...-(
(*censored for one page)Oh and breaking my voice, i cant reach that E#s those kind , im starting to be able to reach that C
b, yea, dunno if i should be happy, all my choir frenz all can reach those high notes, they break voice to be higher lor, arrgh.
Yea, and for DJ's bday, im buying that huge potato chips, haha, makes sure he eats to death.
OOH and did i tell u dearie, that i just invested in some country indexes? and bank acc, they are quite lucrative, if the interest come back early, then i will put into the moneyback acc, got 6% interest!! can recommend them to others too...lol
Lets skip,
regarding the family thing, everything is pretty stagnant.... lets brush tt off.
oh and Aunt doris bot me this ex wimbledon keychain, she rocks man. yea, thats my Godmom.YEAY!!
Oh, and jie dared me into wearing that sickening high heels, my feet is soo hurtting now... its like the bone thing,arrgh=.=
(CEnsored)
okie, sorry for censoring those parts, u really cant see those, yea:)
ooh, and Ed if u are reading, i dun think u can be him..rite? and Ed is not ur real name, i noe that.
Hosanna in the Highest
3:49 AM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I felt so empty today, i dunno, i had this huge '
Emotional Tsunami' , so much so that i cried. Months of anger,hatred,jealousy,sadness,depression and every dAMN feeling just came out of me thru the form of tears.
the usual methods of laughing,eating,singing,sleeping, didnt at all work to relieve me of my emptiness and sadness, i was just deceiving myself that im okay, but no, they dun work at all!!
but then i realised i forg0t something, i forgot something, thruout the entire period of time that i was in the dumps, i did not at all pray. i have been neglecting him in my life for weeks, i skipped my daily devotions, and even when i was doing them, my mind was still full of other things. (that was why i prayed hard today, i wasnt sleeping)
hey,btw, i went to the sacred tree, its still the place for me to be! always quitens ur heart and think things thru, i see that there were a few more additions- chameleons, they look so cool, changing the colours and stuff:)
Anyway,today, i finally prayed, i wanted to ask him what i had to do to eARn back that joy he granted me after spiritual revival from church camp. i just couldnt figure out what God wanted me to do to straighten out the mess my life is in. Then, i remembered what i was taught-- to do wat i think will be rite in the eyes of the Lord. i decided to stay out of the dispute that they are in. I trusted that my mom is old enough to solve her relationships, and God will protect her, bcos she truly is woman of great faith, my role model.
Today, i have resolved to let God do his stuff, let him decide my fate, i will just have to press on with faith in Him.I remembered what this 'wise' sage said, " of the different paths to knowledge there is , urs is one of the hardest, wrought with unhappines and difficulties. Then he l8r showed me this song, 'all the roads no matter lonely or narrow, will all come back to thee...' "
He reminded me that all the paths will take me back to the Lord, so just take each step with happines, instead of anger,frustartions, and depression.
Javier is rite after all, im not alone, i have u, and my frenz, and most improtantly, God is there for me.... and perhaps voldy... lol
Im changing everyday towards being more God-like, and perhaps, i dun succeed, not once not twice, some take all their life, but i will try to do wats rite, and not what is pleasing, cos im not a puppy. Sanctification is the hardest thing to accomplish, it says in the bible, but it will be possible, with God. Im trying really hard, so do forgive me when i fail yet again, just do tell me where i could try to improve:) and i will folo it in accordance to the bible, everybody is imperfect, and im just a damn imbecile, but i will kempetai, Lord!!
P.s( anyway, i saw the two of them being called and given green forms. i noe clearly that they were innocent this time, they are! and so i have finally made up my mind to look for mr ong. this is to compensate them and repent for backstabbing ur best fren, at least thats how i would view it, in others, shoes, whether or not its meant on purpose or not...)
Hosanna in the Highest
2:27 AM
Monday, September 11, 2006
Please dun fall off ur seat, and those in my church, please do not tell anyone else in the church.
My mother has finally decided on chasing HIM out, instead of divorcing him. I should be happy, i mean, all these while, he has been using violence on me just becos i wasnt a male, and bcos my sis is better in her academics than me. No matter what i do, he will find fault with me, even my mother cant bear to see me suffering anymore. it is often bcos of this that i choose not to return home early, i didnt want to see my sis, yes, i love her, but sometimes, im so jealous of the attention she receives. And she could be considered the root of my frustrations. And he never contributes to the welfare of the family, or bought anything at all for the household, eveything, my mother single-handedly raised me up, while having to suffer from her mother-in-law and HIM,purposely reserving stuff and new bags and stuff for her(my sis) alone. They are such f%cking bastards!!!
Do u noe why i didnt turn up during worship service? it was cos we just had a brawl over something my sis wouldnt graciously let me, when she just told me the nite b4 that she would let me use that particular thing, so of cos , when HE heard that i slapped my sis on her arm, he ran up and tried to scold and use violence on me. What the? where is the justice? My mom cme to block off HIM and she suffered the attacks. Thats why my mom and I are were too mad to go to the service.And my stupid sis even sent me hate msgs , saying that im unfilial to HIM, and all, i used all my knowledge of vulgarity and cursed her, which is a reason why i asked u guys for help, cos i only knew that few.
Today, when the boys came disturbing me,i couldnt take it, and cried. My mom declared that she will file a report to the police with the pics of the bruises on her arm, and well, just places... My sis is cursing me mom now, blaming her for everything, i have just finished using the book to slam her head a couple of times,b4 she scratched my arm like mad.i could have just used that knife and stab her!! but that would destroy my future.
Why dun my sis just commit suicide,b4 i start staring at that knife, which im starting to steal glances at. I still want to help in the extension of my Lord's kingdom.
I have always encouraged my mother to help me and help herself of getting this burden off and divorce HIM, but she says that the bible says that the divorce of parents would fall on their children, but i dun care, my life is hard enough.But now that my mom has said she wants to chase him out, dunno why but im not elated as i would expect to be, that damn idiot, ruined my childhood.
Im sorry boys, im just not in the most generous mood , its quite impossible to be. So please bEAR with not bullying me for awhile, i would appreciate that , and if all AP-ed pple dun bother me with ur AP-edness, thanks.....
Hosanna in the Highest
3:53 AM
