Friday, July 28, 2006
i dunno wat to say,
He has been so
here was what happened:
it was project work, we were all having fun researching for the topic we have chosen(lessons from nature) in the library.
along the way back to class, I saw Mr ong, he asked me how the class was, I tot for a while, b4 I decided to tell a white lie, " well, the..e cla..ss was.s fine." i stammered.
mr ong then probed further, until he found out the truth from me,
i told him that jesse & co. were bullying jee yuen and sometimes, me.
then, so happened that the boys walked past, they got a warning from mr ong, if they were to do it again, they would get public caning in class, i gasped, and jesse shot me that 'look' :(
throughout the class, jesse kept giving me that vermin look, i seriously cant stand it, and sobbed during chinese.
sent him an sms to explain, but he didnt reply, asked eugene to pass him a note, but he tore it up...
after being frenz for like 4 months, am i that kind of idiotic person? as in i treat loyalty lke gold, but its a world-known thing that i suck at lying, even when i send an sms lying, i will unknowingly gulp down LOTS of water...
i told him to punish me any way he likes, but he doesnt bother about that, i guess thats the end of our frenship... what surprised me was that he was ok for a week, before he ran into trouble again.. this time, the teachers ganged up to complain about him, i seriously have nothing to with it, but he thinks otherwise.
that night, i talked to him on msn, he was very harsh, then he told me that he and rui bin decided to treat me like air, ever since i reported to mr ong.. (sob..sob) :(
i went to ask mr ong to give them another chance cos they are young, but he says:
" oh, why are u saying this to me, they are in serious trouble with mr chua(the discipline head)
it not only my say in this affair, all the other teahcers also have bad things to say about jesse, wats more, i hears that they are also bullying u, besides jee yuen."
i replied:" but they are still young, caning them will only make them even more traumatised. please give them another chance."
" yes, but i dun want them to develop into bullies as well, ok?" with that, he walked into the staff room.
there goes my last chance of interceding for them. i feel so rejected, i desperately wanted to help a fren, even if he doesnt like me, i think its a waste to actually forgo our frenship. kia qian heard about my interceding, he shouldnt have, but at least someone actually witnessed me helping, our relationship, *poof* and its gone, juz bcos i cant lie... sounds so pathetic-.-
i mean is he christian? cant he see that i did have my own difficulties? i really wonder what he has been doing for all the time that he is a christian.
doesnt he remember that i was the one who believed in him on the 4th week of sch? doesnt he remember that i was the one whom he could discussed issues with? some fren he is...
im actually not as sad that jesse rejected me( as in in the crush thing), but im sorry for him that he will be sorry, when he grows up and reflects back, i remembered how i felt when i accused my fren 2 years ago, it was a terrible thing. im worried for him that god might punish him, im so... (full of mixed feelings).
somehow, i am also angry with him for being so childish... for being so cruel to me, despite wat i did for him, i seriously pray that god will let him see the light. besides, believe it or not, god gave me 11 signs that he is the ONE, i seriously hope that god will change his mind, cos i dun wanna live with such a character :
and i thin im not gonna but him that telescope, im gonna buy a bible, i want him to read and meditate on his goodness, and not be so hot-headed, me too, i shouldnt be so naughty and spite his words as well, like asking him to shut up, it seems like we are turning into enemies, but i hate an enemy who noes my world so well, so lol, i wanna mantian status quo as aquaintances:) lol
Hosanna in the Highest
3:43 AM
